On searching for normal.

I have two favourite quotes about Autumn.

1. Autumn is a second Spring (Albert Camus)

2. The trees are showing us how beautiful it can be to let things go. (Anon/I don't know)

I love the beauty of Autumn.
The colours
The smells
The tastes.

But if I'm not careful, it's spoilt by the fear of what's to come,
A grey, dark, miserable winter.

I have recently had a diagnosis from a specialist for the illness I've lived with for most of my life.

I always knew it was depression.
Her official diagnosis is Recurrent Episodic Depression caused by biological factors rather than life's circumstances.
She describes it often as a disease of the brain.

Her diagnosis has changed nothing in one sense.
My medication has been adjusted and I have horrible side-effects.
I'm on a phased return to work after 6 months off.
I wake every day not knowing how my illness will effect me.

However I have a new-found love and appreciation for the
'Sick not Weak' campaign.

Today as I walked with Daisy I had a bit of an epiphany.
(Just a few months early).

My life
My work
My ministry
May look very different to how it was in years gone by,
But is that necessarily a bad thing?

I may not be able to be the life and soul of the party any more
But I can still speak to people quietly and encouragingly.

I may not be able to sit and absorb facts for long periods
But I can read, and read, and read some more.

I may not be able to be in noisy situations with lots of people without feeling completely drained
But I can walk for miles with Daisy
And while I'm at it I can think,
and pray,
and text,
and hear God.

I may not be able to do the things I used to without tiring
But I am now a wild swimmer....
A member of Team Pants,
The Battery Belles and Buoys,
and the Polar Bear Club.
I know!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is this
I know how hard it is to be positive when you're in a dark place,
or your situation changes.
I'm not sure positivity is what's required anyway,
more an acceptance of life today.

We may long for the old Egypt,
but we can't go back.

We can however have hope.
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow is what's promised.

Autumn is a second Spring,
a time of hope and renewal.

Join me in letting go and looking forward?
Maybe we can be abnormal together?



Lots of love
Karen
xx

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